Respect

Here’s a list of ways some young ers said they show or expect sexual respect: 

(You can also read the list as a PDF).

• Making sure that there is verbal consentConsent
  Is a free agreement between everyone involved in any sexual experience. A free agreement can not happen when someone is verbally, physically or emotionally forced or threatened, tricked, if someone is too wasted on drugs or alcohol or if they are under the age of 16. A free agreement means that everyone was keen on everything that was happening and they all knew what was going on. between people that acknowledges what they all want
• Finding out and understanding how the other person feels and how far they want to go
• If someone doesn’t want to do sexual stuff, you must hear and understand that, and not pressure them into doing it
• FairnessFairness
  Treating people in a way that is just and as equal as possible; thinking about the other person’s wants and needs, balancing these with your own, and compromising as you need to.
• Trust
• Honesty
• Treating people with dignityDignity
  Treating everyone with respect.
• Getting to know each other. Communicate and support one another rather than, “Like just getting into someone ’coz they’re like so hot”. Be more personal more than just physical
• By talking more about things instead of just saying, “Yeah, let’s go into the bedroom”
• By making sure things are OK before they happen… telling someone how you’re feeling instead of just letting sexual stuff happen because you’re scared of being the person who is called frigid or whatever
• Making sure they’re OK - simply saying, "Are you ok?" is a good start
• Never pressuring people into having unprotected sexSex
  Is different things people choose to do to actively express sexuality and sexual feelings; often this involves genitals, but not always. Other words used in place of “sex” could be “sexual activity”, “sexual experiences”, or just “sexual” – they all mean the same thing. Sex can involve one person (i.e. masturbation) or more. When we talk about sex, we are not just talking about a man putting his penis into a woman’s vagina – there are heaps of ways people can have sex.
  For sex to be fun, legal, respectful and pleasurable there must always be CONSENT.
  if they want to use protection
• Giving people their own personal space so they can sort through things in their own head without having someone else right there
• By using manners – saying please and thank you
• By compromising
• Working through pros and cons if a compromise is needed
• Not thinking too much about yourself or thinking too much about the other person - try and find a balance that suits everyone’s needs
• Be understanding. Cut people some slack if they misunderstand you
• Listening to each other. Aretha Franklin - R.E.S.P.E.C.T. Find out what it means to me… Listen to me - I want to tell you how I feel about the situation. Being open to new ideas and points of view (even if they’re different to yours)
• Considering other people’s feelings and needs
• Listening
• Not being violent, in any way

  Did you know?

  Childhood sexual abuse doesn’t “make” someone gay, straight, bi, or attracted to any particular type of person.
• Telling people how you feel about stuff
• Being trustworthy and honest
• Agreeing to disagree on some things - we are all different and it’s OK to have different points of view
• Building people up instead of putting them down
• Not stepping over people’s boundaries or disrespecting their values
• Treating other people’s friends and family/whānau well
• Treating other people’s stuff well
• Giving each other space when it’s needed
• Not using pressure to get what you want