Do I want to have sex?

It’s important to know what you want. Take time to think about and notice what feels good and not-so-good for you – then, as long as it’s respectful of other people too, keep heading in the direction of what feels good.

Remember, there’s more to sexual experiences than just what feels good physically. It also involves emotions, values and wairua, so remember to think about these aspects of feeling good in a sexual situation too.

Take Time to Figure it out

Sometimes it can be hard to figure out what you do and don’t like sexually and it can change over time. People don’t figure it out all at once. It’s important to keep focused on being respected and giving respect to others. Go at your own pace, take your time, gather information, talk to people you trust, ask professionals, read about other people’s stories, or write about your own experience, whatever works for you.

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Outside Influences

There are lots of things that can influence the decisions we make about sexSex
Is different things people choose to do to actively express sexuality and sexual feelings; often this involves genitals, but not always. Other words used in place of “sex” could be “sexual activity”, “sexual experiences”, or just “sexual” – they all mean the same thing. Sex can involve one person (i.e. masturbation) or more. When we talk about sex, we are not just talking about a man putting his penis into a woman’s vagina – there are heaps of ways people can have sex.
For sex to be fun, legal, respectful and pleasurable there must always be CONSENT.
- these include media, social normsSocial Norms
These are the ’rules’ we have in our communities that let us know how we are expected to act in different places, with different people and in different situations. Our norms develop from customs, traditions and values within each community. Social norms don’t always reflect the true positive values of the communities they developed in and can sometimes be very damaging to many people., family and whānau, friends, spirituality or religion, gender and/or ethnicity.

Quite often the messages we get from different places and different people conflict and can make things confusing. To make sure you are making decisions based on what you really think and feel, keep checking in with yourself that what you want is sexually respectful for you and others.

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