4 easy steps to Sex 'n' Respect

 4 Steps to Consent

1) Ask 

Ask yourself what you are keen to do sexually. Ask the person you are with the same thing – it can be as simple as, “So…what do you want to do?” or“Are you sure you want to do this?”

Click through to see examples of How to ask someone to have sex and Do I want to have sex?

2) Listen

Listen for ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ messages from yourself and the other person. When listening, remember to notice body language as well as what is said out loud – some people find it really hard to say ‘No’ verbally.

If someone is saying “Maybe”, “I’m not sure”, backing away, staying really still or being silent you can figure that they are not saying ‘Yes’. Back off and go back to Step One: Ask them how they are feeling. Click here for a list of what ‘Yes’ messages and ‘No’ messagescan sound and look like.

3) Respect

Respect the person you are sexual with. You might be keen to be sexual with them, but if they’re not so sure - show respect and stop what you’re doing. Respect what they are feeling. Don’t force, pressure or guilt them into doing something they don’t want to do.

4) Reflect

Reflecting on what you’ve done sexually can help you learn about what you like. Talk with the person you were with, see what they liked, what do they want to do again, and what needs some practice.

For examples of what to say and some things to ask yourself click here.

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How to use the 4 steps to Sex 'n' Respect

Making respectful decisions about sexSex
Is different things people choose to do to actively express sexuality and sexual feelings; often this involves genitals, but not always. Other words used in place of “sex” could be “sexual activity”, “sexual experiences”, or just “sexual” – they all mean the same thing. Sex can involve one person (i.e. masturbation) or more. When we talk about sex, we are not just talking about a man putting his penis into a woman’s vagina – there are heaps of ways people can have sex.
For sex to be fun, legal, respectful and pleasurable there must always be CONSENT.
is an ongoing process. You need to keep checking in with yourself and whomever you’re with to make sure that they are all good with what’s happening.

There are lots of ways to check out where someone’s at sexually and check for consentConsent
Is a free agreement between everyone involved in any sexual experience. A free agreement can not happen when someone is verbally, physically or emotionally forced or threatened, tricked, if someone is too wasted on drugs or alcohol or if they are under the age of 16. A free agreement means that everyone was keen on everything that was happening and they all knew what was going on.. Click here to jump to How do I ask someone to have sex, or take a look at what 'Yes' messages might look and sound like or what 'No' messages can look or sound like.

It’s much easier to let other people know clearly what it is you want when you know yourself. So the first step is to know what you want…

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