Glossary

Below is a list of words and their definitions.

Did you know?

Lots of people worry whether their bits are the right size. Everyone is different; there is no “normal” size or shape.

Anal Sex

Penis going into an anus/bum.

Anonymously

Without telling your name or any personal details.

Bystander Effect

The greater the number of people watching (or walking past) when someone is being harmed or disrespected, the less likely people witnessing this event are to help the person in need.

Child Sexual Abuse

Is any sexual stuff done to a child by an adult, older child or teenager. Doing any sexual things to a child is always illegal and never ok.

Coercion

Using force or intimidation to get things to go your way.

Conscious decision

A decision or action that is made, while having the time to fully think about the choices and what is best for you.

Consent

Is a free agreement between everyone involved in any sexual experience. A free agreement can not happen when someone is verbally, physically or emotionally forced or threatened, tricked, if someone is too wasted on drugs or alcohol or if they are under the age of 16. A free agreement means that everyone was keen on everything that was happening and they all knew what was going on.

Consented

Is a free agreement between everyone involved in sexual stuff. A free agreement can not happen when someone is verbally, physically or emotionally forced or threatened, tricked, if someone is too wasted on drugs or alcohol or if they are under the age of 16. A free agreement means that everyone was keen on everything that was happening and they all knew what was going on.

Digital Sex

Fingers, hand, going into the vagina and or anus/bum.

Dignity

Treating everyone with respect.

Fairness

Treating people in a way that is just and as equal as possible; thinking about the other person’s wants and needs, balancing these with your own, and compromising as you need to.

Flashbacks

These can be pretty rough. It’s like the horrible stuff that went on is happening again, but in reality, it’s just a person’s mind playing tricks on them. If you’re getting flashbacks these can feel very real and very scary. Further down in this section we talk about some ideas that might help with this.

Flashing

Someone showing their genitals to others because it turns them on. This is often in a public place.

Manipulation

Using strategies to swing things so that they go your way.

Masturbation

Touching yourself for your own pleasure – coz it feels good. This is normal and natural for both males and females.

Non-Verbal communication

Communication without using words. This can be facial expressions, body language, touch and eye contact.

Object Sex

An object being inserted into a person’s mouth, anus/bum or vagina.

Oral Sex

Lips, touch touching someone’s vagina, anus/bum, or penis.

Phobias

Having a phobia is when a person has a really intense fear of a thing or situation that actually is unlikely to be of any real danger to them.

Rape/Sexual Violation

Is a criminal offence in law that includes two categories: 1) Rape: sex without consent from a man to a woman (a penis going into a vagina). 2) Unlawful sexual connection: A sexual act involving penetration (something going into something else) or oral sex, without consent. This can happen in all types of relationships - from a man to a woman, a woman to a man, a man to another man, or a woman to another woman. It can involve: Vaginal sex (penis going into the vagina) , Anal sex (penis or objects going into the anus/bum) Oral sex (lips, mouth, tounge touching a penis, vagina or anus/bum), Digital sex (fingers, hands or and toes going into a vagina or anus/bum) And any kind of penetration with an object (someone putting something into someone else's mouth, vagina or anus/bum).

Risky Sexual Behaviours

Sometimes after experiencing sexual violence, people lose any sexual respect they had for themselves. Which, when you think about it, makes sense - someone has treated them badly, which has led them to think they got what they deserved, or it was how it ‘should’ be. So they do risky sexual things; sleeping with lots of people, getting into dodgy situations, not using protection when they know it’s needed or whatever. If you’re doing risky sexual stuff, you deserve better. Further down in this section we talk about some ideas that might help with this and places to get help.

Sex

Is different things people choose to do to actively express sexuality and sexual feelings; often this involves genitals, but not always. Other words used in place of “sex” could be “sexual activity”, “sexual experiences”, or just “sexual” – they all mean the same thing. Sex can involve one person (i.e. masturbation) or more. When we talk about sex, we are not just talking about a man putting his penis into a woman’s vagina – there are heaps of ways people can have sex. For sex to be fun, legal, respectful and pleasurable there must always be CONSENT.

Sexual Boundaries

Are when you draw the line between what you are comfortable or uncomfortable with sexually.

Sexual Harassment

Any unwelcome sexual advances, requests or sexual stuff said or done to other people. This happens in lots of places including schools, work places, sports teams, community groups etc.

Sexual Respect

Is caring for the safety, health and pleasure of whomever you choose to be sexual with. Check with them to make sure they want to be sexual with you, in whatever way you are suggesting without feeling forced or pressured. It is important that you also treat yourself with sexual respect by checking in with how you are feeling about it and what you want to do and not do.

Sexual Violence

Is a general term that covers any sexual stuff a person does not consent to.

Sexually harmful

When something sexual (usually someone’s behaviour, actions or words) is hurting someone else. This could cause emotional or physical pain or both.

Social Norms

These are the ’rules’ we have in our communities that let us know how we are expected to act in different places, with different people and in different situations. Our norms develop from customs, traditions and values within each community. Social norms don’t always reflect the true positive values of the communities they developed in and can sometimes be very damaging to many people.

Trickery

Using tricks to get things to go your way.

Vaginal Sex

Penis going into a vagina.

Voyeurism

Someone secretly watching someone because it turns them on.

Zoning Out

This is when someone ‘exits’ a situation and goes into their own head like they’re not present anymore. They’re not very aware of what’s going on around them - the flash word for this is ‘dissociation’. If you zone out a lot this may be because zoning out was a really good survival strategy when some bad stuff was happening to you in the past, but if it’s now stopped happening, zoning out heaps can have a not-so-good impact on you and your life. Further down in this section we talk about some ideas that might help with this.

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Welcome

Come on in to the Sex’N’Respect website!

Just a heads up, this website has some stuff about sexual violence which might be upsetting,
especially if you or someone close to you has experienced it.

If you find yourself getting upset, make sure you get support or take a few deep breaths
and think about something that makes you smile.

Some of the topics in here may also conflict with your beliefs.
We think that if a person is harming someone, or their human rights
IT IS NOT OK - no matter what your beliefs are.

Sweet As